From the time MDMA was discovered as a psychoactive molecule in 1976 until it was outlawed in 1985 in the United States (1986 in Norway), thousands of couples underwent legal couples therapy with MDMA . The results were very good, but when it began to become popular as a party drug in the 80s, it was strictly regulated. Which also put a damper on further research.
In the mid-1980s, a series of uncontrolled case studies were published that were conducted before the ban. These described the effective use of MDMA with individuals, couples, and groups. Switzerland was the last country in the West to make MDMA illegal, in 1993. In 1988, the Swiss Medical Society for Psycholytic Therapy conducted individual and group psychotherapy with MDMA and LSD. Over 100 patients with a wide range of psychiatric problems underwent an average of eight therapy sessions. Over 90% of patients reported improvement after 19 months of follow-up ( 1 ).
How does couples therapy with MDMA work?
Taking MDMA with your partner is not quite the same as couples therapy with MDMA. Taking MDMA together is therapeutic in itself for many, but often it is not all that is needed. Misunderstandings can arise and it can be difficult to read the other person's experience at the right moment. Perhaps one person is experiencing a strong euphoria, while the other is processing a bad memory. In a couples therapy setting, you prepare together with the therapist, talk about the challenges and set a framework for the therapeutic experience. It is more about having your own experience together than about having the same experience.
On the day itself, you have prepared an intention and you both lie down with separate headphones and a sleeping mask. During the first part of the experience, both parties are asked to keep to themselves and just relax and listen to the music. After a few hours, if both feel ready, you can talk together. This is usually after the most intense part of the experience and can also be a very productive phase of the experience. Here you can have time alone together if you wish.
It's the other person who needs therapy here – not me.
Everyone enters a relationship with baggage. You carry a childhood that, no matter how perfect it was, has left its mark and you have a lot of habits from previous relationships. This creates expectations and attitudes about what is right and wrong, what is self-evident and what you can't share with your partner. In addition, there is baggage in the current relationship, what has been done and said, things you can never forgive and things that make you not look at the other person the same way again. One of the goals of couples therapy is to get the baggage up and out in a safe setting so you can pack it up neatly and put it aside for good.
A personal story
What made me believe in couples therapy with MDMA? In 2015, I went through a difficult breakup after 8 years together. The relationship had been up and down for a period and after a year of long-distance relationship, I met someone else. This led me to want to break up with my then-boyfriend, but we still stayed together for over a year after that. This was a "terror year" characterized by understandable jealousy and bitterness where arguments became more intense, personal and more frequent as time went on until the final breakup. We both did and said things that we could never forgive each other for. We were in a close circle of friends and she eventually got together with one of my best friends. And I got together with her friend. It was a mess like something out of a sitcom and we never thought we would be able to look each other in the eye again. Today we are again close friends and neighbors who see each other in the eye several times a week. She with her new family, and I with mine. I don't know where we would be without MDMA therapy, but definitely not where we are today.